I’m an app whore. Really. I have become addicted to Pinterest and now I’m loving Instagram. And, I can waste an entire day following other people on these sites, too. Not enough hours in the day!
Instagram photos on display. Heck, follow me on both sites!
This will be the season to move from discontentment to contentment courtesy of my great friend Molly. I have lived in Raleigh,NC since 1996. It is a beautiful town but it is not my town and it’s about time I realize that this is not a temporary stay for me. Somehow during the course of raising children I have let life in Raleigh pass me by. I know very little about the city except in passing. I tend to remain on the periphery.
I come from a town, Jacksonville,FL, that tends to be very open armed about its newcomers. Jacksonville embraces new blood and pulls people into its heart and soul. It seems to be a very engaging city. Maybe it is because it does not have several University’s centralizing and dividing its folks. Who knows. But the fact that I did not go to any NC university has me at a distinct disadvantage. And i tend to be reclusive by nature throw in kids and it is easy to have the years slip by being an observer on the sidelines. I don’t have a group to huddle with or a real feeling of purpose here yet.I do, however have many fabulous friends from all different types of groups.
Here is where Molly comes in. A former gallery owner, she has always had a pulse on the arts community and a real knack for being a connector of all different types of people. Over lunch the other day, she was astonished by how little I know of Raleigh and all it has to offer. So over the next few months she will be my guide and mentor. My goal is to become a living, breathing part of the town I live in and to revel in everything it has to offer. And to meet people who get my artistic quirkiness.
We are off to a great start! Yesterday we walked the trails around the art museum and even took the footbridge over 440. I had no idea how to do that before. This is going to be fun!
What to write? The last several weeks have been overwhelming and stressful and in that time I turned 49. I have been thinking a lot lately what exactly that means for my future. I’m clearly on the back half of my life and not yet hit the milestone of 50 but what happens now and what do I have to show for it? Obviously, I have the best kids in the world that are my proudest accomplishment but I’m talking personal kudos. I still feel like a kid that hasn’t grown up in many ways. I feel I have been a successful starving artist i.e. non income producing artist with a soul. So I have shown that I’ve got the goods and that I can tap into an incredible source of creativity and dig out meaningful artwork. I guess I’m stuck in that “I don’t know how to get my work out into the world for all to see and enjoy” place. That’s always been the catch. Is that a self esteem issue or just not part of my DNA to be a salesperson? And what to do about it? It is so opposite of how confident I am in my work. And at 49, are my parents actually proud of me?
Next in my bag of “to deal with” is how to handle my kids. I never thought in a million years that everyday would be spent making sure they succeed. I hold my breath in the morning and literally pray at night that they will make it through the obstacles du jour. There is nothing left for me at the end of the day. Will I ever get to be footloose again in my life? Will I get to wander the world while I can still walk? Not be on the clock? Disney didn’t prepare me for this!
Innately I know I shouldn’t be thinking about the “what ifs” all the time! I’m missing being in the present moment and really living life and seeing, feeling, sensing what is right in front of me. At present, however, I seem to be wallowing in it. Hate this s–t! Maybe Buddhism should be on my radar….
I have had plenty of time to over analyze the inner workings of my creative process since I just returned from art camp and I thought I would do a bit of sharing. Mind you, just writing this post is an ideal way to procrastinate. Anyhow, it goes something like this: arrive at one week camp excited, nervous, apprehensive and hopeful. Attend the first class, divulge any relevant info about myself, freak out about how much experience everyone else has in metalsmithing. Look forward to the first day of working and start in on the first project, marvel at how wonderful and talented the instructor is. In this case, Joanna Gollberg! By day two, I realize I’m starting to fall behind because I want to find my own interpretation of the projects. Waiting for the aha moment. Yikes. Put on the brakes because a meltdown is coming. Midweek freak out. I have no idea what is going on but in hindsight know that this is it! This is the moment when I’m incubating my idea,tossing and turning it around in my subconscious. This is when I need to be put in my own cubicle because it is not pretty or happy. Maybe even with a straightjacket. Paranoia, doubt and impatience precede exhilaration, elation and that magical moment of I got it! And all of these emotions get briefly entangled. (Envision the Tazmanian Devil.) Finally, by the second to last day, I can actually create and get to work and express my ideas. Always in the nick of time. So I’m a late starter and late bloomer but in the last moments I am fruitful. I go home knowing that even though I have forced the process I have come out the other side a changed person with a handful of jewelry to show for it. And hopefully no one was harmed in the process. Thanks to all that hold my hand during these crazy times and continue to want to bear witness to them time and again. Amen.
Continuing the “me theme”, I have spent the better part of the week in glorious Asheville with a photo blogging group of old and new friends. Kate McKinnon and Andrew Thornton have been at the helm encouraging and inspiring us at every turn to improve our skills. We have moved through the area as tourists and leaf peepers taking in all of the sites, shopping in a variety of venues and having indulgent lunches. I had a peek at my friend Joanna Gollberg’s metalsmithing studio, too. Back to Raleigh I go satiated and full of new info and new friends. Below is a blogroll of my new friends:
Charlene Sevier: http://thebeaddreamer.com/blog/
Doriot Lair: http://pandorios-box.blogspot.com/
Ellen Kay: http://beebokay.blogspot.com/
I am just starting a whole delicious week of art camp at Arrowmont in Gatlinburg! Soon I will pull up a chair in the metals studio and meet a whole new group of people that I hope to call dear friends by the time the week is over. I have become quite proficient at finding incredible lifelong friends here and it makes me sad and a bit nervous that they aren’t here with me this week. In about four hours i will be so exhausted and immersed in learning and creating that i won’t be able to even think twice about being nervous.
Day 2 and 3
The jitters gave way to euphoria! My teacher, Joanna Gollberg Is a rock star. I’m hanging on her every word. I have always loved her style but she is an amazing person as well. What a treat to be in her class. And I’m making friends (yay!). Everyone is working late so far so it makes it tough to socialize unless we are at one of the three square meals a day. It’s nice that everyone speaks the same language! That would be creative speak.
September and October have been incredible months for me as I have been given the gift of being able to travel and be quite selfish. My birthday wish of me time has come true and well before my birthday. Thanks to my family for making it all come true!
A few random NYC shots:
Okay, you all know how much I love NYC and I miss it terribly. Well, my parents throw the bone every year at the end of the summer to spend a weekend here with my sister.. Do I wait with bated breath for the invite? Of course I do! And what a trip this always is. It reeks of old New York. Not in a bad way at all. Quite the opposite. Truly old traditions. In the old days we would hit La Goulue for lunch the first day. Cheese souffle followed by chocolate mousse in a wine glass. And that restaurant was in the 70′s off Madison. We payed homage to the new Goulue on Madison in the 60′s for a long time too. But today, sweet baby Jesus, we went to La Grenouille. Old, French, classic, beautiful flowers to the ceiling, fantastic! Oh did I mention that I hit Bergies 5th floor before lunch? I’m out of my mind happy to be here!! More later!
Big weekend. Jacksonville girls hit the NC coast. And a satellite will drop from the sky. What more could I ask for in a weekend? Enjoy yours.
My hard work is starting to pay off. I like! And I’m wearing ‘em. 
Beautiful, eh? I have no idea how this happened.
Figure 8 porch
Amstel Hotel in Amsterdam
