On my messy studio table
Here I am, staring at the walls and tables in my studio and I feel……blank. I just don’t know where to begin. I know if I dive in and begin to create all of these feelings will go poof. But I just can’t seem to get going. Half of me is so disappointed that my last collection didn’t get “out there” in the big way that I thought it would and should. I feel stymied and pissed all at the same time. I know what I have been creating has a real viable place in the world but the doors are not opening, the connections are not happening. Why is that? I believe in me and my work. It is not a self-confidence thing. So, what is it? The tipping point is not tipping.
On the flip side, I am extremely well supported through family and friends.I have made some incredible new friends and thanks to technology I can jump right into their worlds everyday. I spend my days differently now. I get out, have coffee, interact a bit more. I don’t seem to be living in quite the vacuum that I was before. I’m putting myself out there. But I look around this studio and freak. I always joke that I have 500 days of wearable jewelry scattered about the tables. Do I need to make more? No. Do I want to? Of course. My sanity lies in being able to express myself through my work. Catch 22? I can get out but I can’t get my work out? Lots to ponder while I stare!
baba paul 
I only know from my own experience that creating work that you think will do well in the market isn’t usually as market-effective as creating work that gives you personal joy. I’d encourage you to just play, and wait for lightning to strike in your own head.
You’ve been lots of places lately, had tons of experiences- workshops, travel… your kids have had a lot of excitement going on as well. It’s totally normal for you to feel both overwhelmed and blank at the same time.
I can’t wait to see the things you make and do and write and photograph, and would encourage you (to the extent that you are able) to take your time, and see what happens.
That must be it then! The collection was the most joyful creation I have experienced. Lightening did strike right after I took the first workshop with you and I remained in the flow for months!
You are right. I need to sit back and let it happen. Things have been wild. Thanks for the encouragement and advice (always)!
Love the coral!!! It’s such a healthy color.
Enjoy the moment….the creative energy will come. It always creeps up on me at the most unexpected times and with the most unexpected people.
Wish I were taking the enameling class with you in Hampton……needing to work with some color on metal. Really looking forward to seeing you there….
Another of the Capturing the Moment students will be there! Charlene. You guys should all totally get together! I think you’ll have a blast!
Charlene and I emailed and I can’t wait to meet her!
And Baba, I don’t think what you’re feeling is unusual. I think if you’re patient and keep putting your work out there, eventually things will bite. Oprah once said that luck is preparation meeting opportunity. Things will come together, I’m sure of it!!!
Take time to listen to yourself. Make what you need to make, even if it’s just for you.
Thank you Andrew!
Fun! Cynthia Facett of the “French Connection” will also be in Hampton…..what a nice reunion (of sorts) we will have.
Baba-I love your wire wrapped pendants….very inspirational. I’m taking an advanced class today at Lilly’s. Have you ever considered teaching? You would be a natural.
We are going to have fun!! You are so sweet about the idea of me being a teacher. I would probably cry or bite someone’s head off! Maybe not. I do love being a resource person so maybe it is similar. Tell you what, you bring the wine and wire and I’ll teach! xxx
Baba,
I can relate to your feelings. I can have the “where do I start” paralysis from time to time. And it’s funny, just like you said my mental self knows it will pass. But I can remain stuck in the feeling anyway until I tell myself – start anywhere, it doesn’t matter, just start.
I can also relate to your feelings of dissappointment at how things are going with your jewelry. I was at a really low point this past November although unlike you I did not share it on my blog. I probably should have because by not doing so, I closed myself off from the support of the jewelry and bead community. I am feeling better now and Tucson helped me a lot.
I realized one of my problems was trying to work in too many different styles. I am working to change that. There is one style that burns in me, that feels most true and that it where I am now trying to work. It is different from a lot of what is out there, but it is me, at least now. I have no idea how people will react and I know I can’t worry about it.
So, let’s do what is authentic to us and our time will come.
Hugs!
Very nicely said!! Thank you and I love the support, too. It has made a big difference.
I, too, work in many different styles but have narrowed it down to 2 whcih are quite different and feed a different part of me. I do have heartbreak over the style that does burn in me. It is by far the most authentic, “in the flow” work I have done and that is why I scratch my head. Sure, when I get it out there people respond to it incredibly well and even get it. I just thought it would go “viral” but it hasn’t. I guess slow and steady burn is better!!
xxxb